🎭 WELCOME TO SANDWELL COUNCIL — WHERE ACCOUNTABILITY GOES TO DIE AND COMMON SENSE TAKES A PERSONAL DAY
Two meetings tonight:
One at 6pm.
One at 6:15pm.
Double feature.
Sadly, neither was the thrilling sequel to “Council Actually Does Its Job.”
Let’s walk through the highlights — and by highlights, I obviously mean low-lights so dim they should come with a torch.
🚫 1. Half the Council Didn’t Bother Turning Up
A considerable number of councillors were absent.
Were they:
Christmas shopping?
Stuck in traffic?
Hiding from the rent rise vote?
Or just allergic to scrutiny?
Who knows.
But democracy works best when your elected representatives actually attend the meetings.
Minor detail.
🤝 2. Declarations of Interest? NONE. Yet everyone knows everyone.
Tonight, councillors queued up to tell us how much they adored, admired, worked with, grew up around, or spiritually bonded with the Freeman nominees.
“Known him 30 years.”
“He mentored me.”
“Our families go way back.”
“He’s basically the Godfather of Smethwick.”
Declarations of interest?
ZERO.
Apparently, Sandwell has invented Schrödinger’s Conflict of Interest — it exists and doesn’t exist at the same time.
📺 3. Mayor Loses Script — Webcast Paused — Slides Hidden — Transparency Optional
At the Full Council meeting, the Mayor misplaced his script, panicked, paused the meeting, and the webcast went black.
When it resumed, councillors saw slides the public did not.
Democracy in Sandwell now comes with deleted scenes.
And yes — this is the same Mayor with a conviction for assault presiding over a debate on violence.
You couldn’t make it up.
🙅♂️ 4. Public Participation: Terminated With Extreme Prejudice
No public statements.
Not because residents don’t care —
because the constitution has been redesigned to make sure they can’t participate.
It’s like building a town hall… and then barricading the doors.
❓ 5. Questions Answered With… Even More Questions
Hardship fund data?
“Er… we’ll look at it.”
Garden waste subscriptions?
“Er… numbers… somewhere.”
£19 million budget gap?
muffled paper rustling
“Er… let’s read the script.”
Dudley Port transport status?
“We are the ‘junior partner’.”
Translation:
“We have no idea. But we hope someone else does.”
🏘️ 6. Rent Rise Passed — Opposition Kicks Back
A Conservative opposition councillor did the unthinkable:
actually stood up for residents.
Refused to vote for the rent rise.
Asked good questions.
Pointed out that communication is terrible.
Meanwhile, the Cabinet still couldn’t explain what improvements tenants would see.
Rent rise passed anyway.
Naturally.
🚦 7. Traffic-Light Debate System: The New Anti-Democracy Toolset
Councillors were cut off mid-sentence by the Mayor’s little red light.
Apparently:
Explaining a complex housing policy = too long
Reciting a random inspirational quote = perfectly fine
Debate in Sandwell now operates like a school talent show with a grumpy judge.
🕳️ 8. Safe Borough Motion Completely Avoids CSE, Grooming Gangs, Rape
The motion about Violence Against Women and Girls managed to discuss:
Andrew Tate
Hate crime
Discrimination
“Allyship”
But completely forgot:
Child Sexual Exploitation
Grooming gangs
Rape of minors
Safeguarding failures
Every major national review
The victims in Sandwell and the region
This wasn't a debate.
It was a public relations massage — avoiding the most painful truth.
And while Andrew Tate was mentioned multiple times…the likes of Ali Dawah, Mohammed Hijab, or other online misogynists were conveniently omitted.
Curious, isn’t it?
Motion passed unanimously, naturally.
When you avoid the difficult bits, everyone agrees.
🔇 9. Universal Credit Debate Shut Down Mid-Flow
A procedural move was pulled like a rabbit from a hat to stop debate.
Even councillors looked confused.
Public watching probably thought the livestream had glitched again.
Nothing says “we care” quite like cutting off discussion about vulnerable residents.
🧳 10. Small Business Motion: All Sentiment, Zero Substance
Councillors praised small businesses (lovely),
but didn’t discuss:
business rates
crime
empty units
economic decline
Because who needs facts when you’ve got warm feelings?
Passed unanimously.
Job done.
Move along.
🎤 11. Meeting Ends With… BUFFIT
The Mayor wrapped up:
No “Merry Christmas”
No festive warmth
Just:
“You’re all welcome to a BUFFIT… I mean buffet.”
Honestly, it was the most unintentionally symbolic moment of the evening:
Disorganised.
Awkward.
Unclear.
And somehow still technically “the end.”
⭐ THE VERDICT
Tonight, Sandwell Council delivered:
Low attendance
Zero transparency
No public voice
Avoided questions
Avoided safeguarding truths
Rushed votes
Confusing procedures
Reduced debate
Unchallenged motions
And absolutely no Merry Christmas
If local democracy were a car, Sandwell’s would be:
🔥 Missing a wheel
🔥 Leaking oil
🔥 No headlights
🔥 Steering via traffic light
🔥 And the Mayor holding the map upside down
Residents deserve so much better than this.
#Sandwell #LocalGov #CSE #CouncilWatch #Democracy #VAWG #ResidentsMatter #Transparency #BuffitGate
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